Finding Gratitude: A Thanksgiving Reflection on Mental Health and Relationships
/Thanksgiving is approaching, and many of us are preparing for gatherings with family, friends, and plenty of food. I love the feeling of everyone coming together; even if it means navigating a bit of chaos, these moments truly remind us of what we have to be grateful for. Beyond the feasting and catching up, Thanksgiving offers us an opportunity to connect with one of the most transformative practices in mental health: gratitude. Today, I want to reflect on how cultivating gratitude can strengthen individuals, couples, and families. Let’s explore how this simple yet profound practice can help us grow stronger and more resilient.
Key Points
The challenges of feeling gratitude amidst everyday stress, especially during the holiday season.
The potential of gratitude to reconnect individuals, couples, and families.
Practical steps to cultivate gratitude, including keeping a gratitude journal, expressing appreciation to loved ones, and creating a gratitude ritual.
The importance of gratitude as a practice for improving mental health and relationships.
The Problem: Struggling to Feel Gratitude Amidst Everyday Stress
In my work as a therapist specializing in men's issues, couples counseling, and trauma-informed treatment, I see firsthand how the pressures of daily life—work deadlines, relationship tensions, and unhealed trauma—can make gratitude feel almost impossible. It can be easy to overlook what our partners do well and focus instead on what's lacking. Our minds often naturally gravitate to what’s missing or what went wrong, rather than focusing on the positives. This challenge often peaks during the holiday season, when the desire for connection and the reality of stress collide. The pressure to create a perfect holiday experience can be overwhelming. Family dynamics, financial strain, and packed schedules all contribute to heightened stress during this time.
Many of the men I work with, whether they are successful professionals or navigating difficult relationship dynamics, come to therapy feeling disconnected—not only from others but also from themselves. It’s hard to access gratitude when you’re caught in a cycle of stress, anxiety, or emotional numbness. I often remind my clients—and myself—that this is a natural response to feeling overwhelmed, and that cultivating gratitude takes patience and intentionality.
The Opportunity: Using Gratitude to Reconnect
So, how do we break this cycle? The truth is that gratitude is more than just a fleeting feeling—it’s a practice. When applied intentionally, it becomes a powerful tool for change. This Thanksgiving, I’d like to challenge you to think of gratitude as a means to strengthen your relationships, improve your mental health, and reconnect with your own sense of resilience. Research shows that practicing gratitude can indeed make us happier. Studies have demonstrated that gratitude is consistently linked to greater happiness, helping people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve health, and build strong relationships (Harvard Health).
Gratitude, when practiced regularly, helps us shift our perspective. According to a report by NIH News in Health, practicing gratitude can boost overall well-being, improve sleep, and strengthen social bonds (NIH News in Health). Additionally, studies have shown that gratitude is consistently linked to improved health and happiness (NIH). Furthermore, the Greater Good Science Center has found that practicing gratitude can improve relationships, enhance empathy, and even reduce aggression (Greater Good Science Center; UCLA Health).
In my experience, I’ve found this to be especially true. During particularly stressful weeks, even the smallest moments—like enjoying a quiet cup of (decaf) coffee in the morning—help me feel grounded and engaged. It’s a powerful antidote to the mind’s tendency to focus on deficits. For couples, expressing sincere gratitude can heal rifts and deepen emotional intimacy. For individuals, a gratitude practice can pull you out of a mental rut and instill a sense of hope. For families, it can cultivate a spirit of appreciation that becomes an emotional anchor during tough times.
The Solution: Small, Practical Steps to Cultivate Gratitude
The Gratitude Journal: A Personal Exercise
One of the most accessible ways to start practicing gratitude is by keeping a gratitude journal. Each day, write down three things you’re grateful for. These could be small, like the way the sun broke through the clouds this morning, or more significant, like a partner’s support during a tough conversation. The key is consistency—try making it part of your bedtime routine. Set a reminder on your phone to help build the habit.
For me personally, reflecting on my day and jotting down even small moments of beauty has transformed how I approach life’s challenges here in Santa Rosa. Whether it's the gentle sunlight filtering through the trees or a quiet moment by the Russian River, these reflections have helped me stay centered amidst the demands of my therapy practice and my own day-to-day stressors. I’m more likely to notice moments of joy, even on difficult days, and that’s made me a better therapist and a better partner.Expressing Gratitude to Loved Ones
When it comes to couples, expressing appreciation directly can be incredibly meaningful. Too often we assume our partners know how much we value them, but speaking it out loud makes a huge difference. This verbal acknowledgment can bridge emotional distance and remind both partners of their mutual care and appreciation. I remember a couple I worked with who transformed their relationship simply by making a habit of sharing one thing they appreciated about each other every day—it’s the kind of practice that can feel awkward at first, but the lasting effect can be profound. This Thanksgiving, try telling your partner or a family member one specific thing you appreciate about them. It could be as simple as, "I’m grateful that you always make me laugh when I need it most," or "I appreciate the way you make our home feel warm and welcoming."
For couples in counseling, I often recommend making this a regular practice. It’s a game changer to hear words of appreciation, especially if things have felt tense or disconnected lately. Specific phrases like "I really appreciate how you handled that situation today" or "Thank you for always being there for me" can make a big difference in reducing emotional distance. These phrases help convey specific appreciation, making it more profound and personal. One couple I worked with found that setting aside five minutes each evening to share one thing they appreciated about each other led to a noticeable improvement in their communication and overall connection.Creating a Gratitude Ritual at Thanksgiving
This Thanksgiving, consider creating a gratitude ritual at the table. I once observed a family who passed around a small object, and whoever held it would share something they were grateful for. It created a warm and connected atmosphere, and everyone felt heard. Invite everyone to share one thing they’re thankful for—about themselves, their life, or someone at the table. This simple exercise can bring laughter, connection, and sometimes even a few tears (the good kind). It’s an opportunity to slow down and see the best in those around us.
The Takeaway: Gratitude as a Lifeline
Gratitude is not a magic wand that instantly erases life’s challenges. I know this firsthand; as a therapist and a husband, I have experienced my fair share of difficult moments. According to research from HelpGuide, cultivating gratitude has been shown to help people manage stress, improve emotional resilience, and even positively affect physical health (HelpGuide). Despite these challenges, I have found that thankfulness provides a sense of stability that helps me navigate through tough times. Consistently practicing gratitude has shown me that, while it doesn’t eliminate the hard times, it does provide a foundation of resilience that makes them easier to face. It is a powerful and underutilized tool for transforming our mental health, relationships, and daily experience. This Thanksgiving, consider taking the opportunity to cultivate a deeper gratitude practice—for your own well-being, for your relationships, and for the life you’re building.
If you’re finding it difficult to access gratitude, remember that it’s a muscle that gets stronger with use. Living in Sonoma County, I often encourage clients to take advantage of our beautiful surroundings—whether it’s a walk through a local vineyard or a hike in one of our regional parks—to help spark that sense of gratitude. And if you’re struggling to move past stress or emotional blocks that prevent you from feeling appreciation, therapy can provide a supportive space to explore these barriers. As a therapist, I’ve seen countless individuals and couples transform their lives by taking small but meaningful steps—gratitude being one of the most important.
Wishing you all a warm and connected Thanksgiving.
If you’d like to explore how gratitude and other therapeutic practices can support your mental health and relationships, reach out. Sometimes, the first step is just knowing there’s help available when you need it.
